Tonight im going to fill my car and go for a drive. The biggest iv ever been on. May even drive to Liverpool for the fucking laugh. Driving changes my mood all together, it makes me happy, music on and just driving to an unknown destination.
Its a drive that much needed iv even turned down seeing you to go. But I dont like being moody.
I dont even know why im moody, maybe I just cant get my head around certain shit and how you can allow yourself to open up so much to get hurt so much. Why do we let ourselves do it?
Twice. Twice iv done it and there wont be a ‘third time lucky’
I know you’re trying to open me back up but it isnt going to happen anytime soon.
I find it almost impossible to cry these days. When my nana died, i didnt cry, at her funeral I cried a bit but didnt cry how Hayley Hare normally does. When my relationship finished I didnt cry until 3 weeks later. Even then I still didnt have a good old Hayley Hare cry. Then I had the worst news iv ever had over the weekend and still managed not to cry.
I remember saying to myself 2 years ago:
'by the time im 30 ill have the emotions of a house brick'
I think iv successfully managed that before 9 years early.
So to anyone who has contributed to that thank you because I am so much fucking stronger now.
I think im enjoying work so much this week because York and Scotland was such hard work. I never stopped. It was 24 hour work. Next week will be the same, So im making the most of my lazy week this week.
So this sums up my working day..
Give him a bottle and hes happier than a pig in shit.
Beyonce - Best Thing I Never Had is my number one song at the minute, closely followed by Christina Aguilera - Fighter.
I think they are my motivational songs!
Home from work to sunbathe in the garden, absolutely quality.
My days get better and better.
So its 1.45, iv just got in from a lovely evening and im debating deleting tumblr. I only really started using it 2 years ago because I got shown it. I know recently iv got a few followers I know and who are actually reading it but iv decided its pointless. Im going to let myself sleep and decided tomorrow when I wake up.
Thought id treat myself.